The Temple
Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #62
Hi!
You made it back JUST in time!

Noooo...our wiggly friend, "TIMMY" still hasn't finished the BAKED ELASTEROID you brought him, but ASTRAL's HOLOBLOG just started to glow! I was starting to think we were already TOO LATE!

Go ahead...hit it with the Besmou Wand!




Dear Poly,
Sorry. I had a bit of a close call here. My air supply ran down to nothing - I must have passed out for a moment.

You'll never believe who saved me - LAMPYRES!

I never told you this, but before I left, I tried contacting their home world. I tried for DAYS but never heard a peep. Or - well - whatever sound it is they make. (more of a whispery chirp, I suppose)

But now, suddenly, miles underneath Wonderlens, here they are! What luck! Their timing could NOT have been better. I was quite nearly out of air. It's all still a bit of a blur, but the Lampyres found me and showed me a way into the OLD TEMPLE.

It's incredible! Once inside the temple gates, they led me to a courtyard where fresh air is being pumped from an ancient ceremonial fountain! It's extraordinary!

I can't begin to fathom how old this place must be, but everything still appears in perfect working order! Within the temple gates there's fresh air and running water. I've even found a garden tucked away here, with a pond and all sorts of exotic plant species flourishing.

Wait. The Lampyres are getting very worked up over something. Let me see what's got them in such a frenzy. I'll blog right back to you.

Astral - out.

Heat from the Kitchen
Now Playing: Help Poly solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #61
Hey, you made it back...and in ONE PIECE!

Ummm...NOT that I had any DOUBTS, of course! TELEPORTER technology is PERFECTLY SAFE...the vast majority of the time.

And check YOU out!

The BESMOU BAKED ELASTEROID is still piping hot! Nice delivery job!

Oh...SHOOTing Stars! I hope you didn't have any trouble getting the food! I FORGOT to give you WONDERLENS doubloons to pay for the Baked Elasteroid.

Chef Fugu is a BRILLIANT cook, but he CAN get a little...PRICKLY

Literally.

Those SPINES on Chef's skin can SHOOT a deadly uber-toxin, for which there's NO known antidote.

Luckily, he only poisons when he's in one of his sulky MOODS. The rest of the time he's a TOTAL sweetie.

Well, it looks like TIMMY is in no rush to finish his dessert, so in the meantime, maybe you should zip back over to the Castellar Cafe and PAY for the food? I mean...I'd HATE to have Chef Fugu MAD at us. I may be a ROBOT, but I don't want to spend my off-hours picking poisonous spines out of my paint job.

Go on - it'll be my treat - here's a few Wonderlens Doubloons, good for food, drink & souvenirs.

Ummm...come to THINK about it...

Chef might ALREADY be on the lookout for you, so you MIGHT want to avoid any IN-PERSON contact.

Just leave him a nice NOTE. Trust me...it's easier this way. Nobody has to get all EMBARRASSED and nobody has to get rushed to the Wonderlens Emergency Medical Lab.

No need to rush back here, though. In fact, why don't you take this other Wonderlens Doubloon over to the Prizes & Surprises Shop and get something for yourself!


Uh...but you WILL drop by and leave a note for Chef Fugu FIRST, right? Just swing by the Castellar Cafe and click on the THREE-FINGER CHOPSTICKS.

Meet you back here!

Posted by poly256 at 7:15 AM PDT

Updated: Tuesday, 17 June 2003 9:41 AM PDT

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The Snack Talks Back
Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #60
Ok...I just got the translated message back from W.A.T.R.

Here goes:

FIRST: the LUNCH ITEM formerly known as Yerg's OCTOPORTER would PREFER to be called by his real name.

Unfortunately...we'd need at least a dozen tuned suction cups to correctly PRONOUNCE his real name, so instead, we're going to call him "Timmy".

Just go with it.

SECOND: Timmy would like a SINCERE apology from YeRg, and a promise that Yerg will not attempt to eat Timmy again.

Any snacking, nibbling or even drizzling of Ketchup on Timmy will be strictly OFF LIMITS from now on.


And THIRD...and this one is a LITTLE trickier, Timmy wants YERG to go fetch him his favorite dessert, a BESMOU Baked Elasteroid and bring it back before the flaming meringue gets cold.

So...assuming nobody has a BETTER plan and assuming none of us is RELATED to a Baked Elasteroid or has ethical problems with eating two-dimensional desserts, I guess Yerg had better get his shiny GREY be-hind moving.

And since I can't trust YERG any further than I can throw up on him, I think maybe YOU'd better go with him.

Hellooo! Yes, YOU! Blog-reading person.

Don't worry...you'll be PERFECTLY safe. Yerg doesn't eat Earthlings....usually.

Just go with Yerg back up to the surface of the WONDERLENS AMUSEMENT PARK. You can grab a Baked Elasteroid at the Castellar Cafe.

Then bring it back here for Timmy. You'll have to HURRY!

You can use the Wonderlens teleporter. Just, uh...watch your step.

The Fungila Monsters have been "repairing" the teleporters again, so as usual, well...let's just say that your results may VARY.

Luckily, I think the teleporter to the Cafe is still up and running.

Do you still have your teleporter WRISTBAND? Ok then, hold onto your subparticles....

TELEPORTER - send these two back to the CASTELLAR CAFE

Talk to the Tentacle
Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #59
Well, it turns out that Yerg's OCTOPORTER has a few demands of his OWN.

It took me a while to figure that out he was trying to SPEAK to us. All that wriggling around...who KNEW?

I just thought maybe he needed to use the restroom?

But I patched a link over to my favorite hot-bot, W.A.T.R. and he's running a quick translation for us.

Sorry, Wrong Dimension
Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Clue #58
That was really SWELL, Yerg. But what I ACTUALLY had in mind, was for your Octoporter to open a PORTAL that would take us to ASTRAL!

!!@#*-*- ">*&%-@+-!!
What?! Honey...slow down...say that AGAIN.


Oh, SHOOTing stars!

Now YERG says that his Octoporter doesn't WANT to open another Portal. I swear, it's so hard to find good, TRANS-DIMENSIONAL HELP.

Listen little fellah, I KNOW you're having a bad day. I KNOW that being at the bottom of the food chain is a bum deal. TRUST ME...I used to be a soda machine. It's not as glamorous as it looks. (although I DO miss those BAFFLED looks on customers' faces when I'd reject their perfectly good dollar bills. Ahhh...THAT was entertainment!)

So...what can WE do to help?

...and You Shake it all About
Now Playing: Help Poly-256 solve the Mystery of Astral Geode! Today's clues:
Being in TWO PLACES at ONE TIME - that's what the WONDERLENS is ALL ABOUT! (Yes, we DO have that in common with the HOKEY POKEY)

The Wonderlens lets you visit the AQUARIUM of the ALIENS without leaving your desk. Or, your kids can be off swimming with the LUNA SLEEPERS, but still be home, snug as bugs in a rug....

...assuming your kids are some type of larval bug species who live in domestic carpeting. Hey - it's a BIG, WACKY UNIVERSE. Let us not judge our insectoid brethren and...sistern?

Okaaay. Looks like the Wonderlens Portal is open! Ready? LET's GO!

Secret Herbs & Spicy Tentacles
That's not just ANY tentacle YeRg coughed up. That's the SECRET INGREDIENT in every WONDERLENS RECEIVER!

Ok...they're pretty much ALL secret ingredients, but THIS part is secret for a REASON!

YERG's wiggly little SNACK is an Octoporter!

Octoporters can travel in all EIGHT dimensions at once!

It's a very cool little trick. They use those suction cup thingies to grab hold of all space, time and realities and then they just SQUEEZE all the dimensions together. Kind of like Shrinky Dinks, but without the baking.

Well, it does involve some SUPER-HEATED POP TART ACTION, but...I digress.

The result is, the Octoporter can open a WONDERLENS PORTAL - that's even more powerful than a WORMHOLE!

You really CAN be in TWO PLACES AT ONCE!

Grey Matter
Mood:  surprised
I GET IT!

YeRg really IS a GENIUS! ...a COMPULSIVE SHOPLIFTING genius with seriously bizarre EATING HABITS, but still...

2Blog or not 2Blog
Sorry, YERG...maybe my circuits are fried, but I just don't understand. How can ASTRAL'S HOLOBLOG be in TWO places AT THE SAME TIME?



Errrr . . . YeRg....isn't that wiggly thing your uh, LUNCH?

Y'know...the one you (how to put this delicately?)...coughed back up?

I think we've all seen enough of THAT bad boy.

No offense kid, but besides being DEEPLY disturbing, is there some REASON you're showing us yummy, yummy Mr. Tentacle McMuffin?

WAIT a nanosecond...YERG...you're a GENIUS!

Living on Borrowed Blog




Well SURE, Yerg, if ASTRAL had this HOLOBLOG with her, she'd be able to read it..but then WE wouldn't!

There's only ONE of these babies. It's a PROTOTYPE.

MAX DARKSTAR built it. It was never meant to be read by ANYBODY except Astral.




...WE just...BORROWED it.
HEY - if we hadn't, Astral would be in serious trouble right now.

Okaaay....Astral IS in serious trouble, but at least we know where she is!

Okaaay....maybe we don't know EXACTLY where she is but...
was there some POINT to this, Yerg?

I mean, it's not like Astral's one and only holoblog can be in two places at once.

...Can it?