April Fool? yup...that's me



What a day! I almost didn't make it here in one piece - literally! We had a little problem with the teleporters and several of my favorite body parts got transported out to the parking lot!

I know, I'm just a robot and I've got plenty of spare parts, but that is SO not the point! It took me all morning to track down my right hand - my favorite one too - the pink one with the built-in mouse. I finally found it - get this - in the trunk of one of the Grey's spaceships! The Grey said he was just about to take my hand over to Lost & Found...yeah right.

And I've got a nice swampy nebula I can sell you for real cheap.

Anyway...I'm back in one piece again. No thanks to the miracle of teleportation. Actually, that was my fault. I let one of the Fungila Monsters from yesterday's tour group "calibrate" teleporter #2.

Well...he claimed he could hear that it was out of alignment. Swore he could have it fixed in just a few seconds.

Hmmm...I did think it was odd that as he was making repairs, the thing kept catching on fire. Maybe that's NOT a standard feature after all.

Luckily, I ran into Max Darkstar later in the Robot Cantina and he explained the whole thing to me. Fungila Monsters are very enthusiastic about fixing things...they're just not any good at it.

Max says not to feel bad. He swears he once let a couple of Fungilans "repair" his ship when he was stranded in their galaxy. When he opened the ship's hatch to go back inside, he found the whole interior melted.

When he mentioned this to the Fungilans, they happily assured him that his "toaster-oven" was fully repaired and capable of heating Pop Tarts in record time. (yeah - we both thought it was kinda weird that they have Pop Tarts out in the Fungilan Galaxy)

So we live and we learn. Well, technically I don't live (hellooo...robot!) but I am capable of learning.

Speaking of learning, did you get to meet W.A.T.R. ? I swear that hot `bot must know a gazillion languages! And such a cutie!

AND, he's in a band! Well, not officially, but I hear he jams with the Battle Slugs down at the Wonderlens Amphitheater sometimes. You wanna go check them out? I've got a couple of BACKSTAGE PASSES
you can use. They'll let you go right in - maybe even let you sit in! Hey - do you play drums? They're always looking for a new drummer.

I'll catch up with you in just a nanosec. I have to swing by the Robot Cantina first. I got this really bizarre-o message from my friend, Astral. Do you know her? Astral Geode - she works over in Humanoid Resources. Anyway, she sounded pretty freaked out, so I'd better make sure she's ok. Probably nothing. Oh shoot - I hope she didn't try to use teleporter #2!
Gotta go.
Poly

Why yes, that WAS smoke...




Is it Monday already? What a night! The S.S. Vulcania docked last night...on fire! I could smell the smoke from my room. Well, at first I thought it was just another of Chef Fugu's BBQ experiments, but once I saw the fifty-foot flames...well, that pretty much ruled out another Luauu Night gone wrong.



I rushed down to the docks - besides being a tour guide, I'm also on the volunteer fire patrol. Actually, all of us are...it's not all that voluntary. Something is always catching fire around here! Well anyway, by the time I reached the ship, the captain had run off (I suppose you can't really blame him - he turned out to be a Papyrusian - they're an extremely intelligent species, but being made of paper, they're quite flammable).



Luckily, my buddy MAX DARKSTAR was already on the scene. That guy has nerves of uber-titanium. He leapt through the flames to try to rescue the passengers. We could hear them shouting. There were a lot of voices - they sounded desperate.



I messaged for help. I could see the fire patrol heleporters lifting off, but it seemed like they were moving in slow motion. Then I remembered - it was Sunday - they WERE running in slow motion. Time itself runs slower on Sundays, in all non-essential areas of the amusement park! It's part of our time-space-energy conservation effort. Darned Time Protection Agency - the TPA is always on our case about wasting time!



By then, the air was black with smoke and the heat was starting to singe my paintjob! I couldn't imagine how Max could possibly survive in that inferno. But then I saw him - coming back through the flames.



What happened next was just crazy.



Max came walking - no strolling back towards me with a huge wall of flame folowing right at his heels! Then he leapt from the ship and...this is where it gets weird...the flames followed him.



One by one, balls of flame hopped off the ship and plopped onto the dock next to us.



Turns out the flames were the passengers! Well, technically speaking, the flames were part of the passengers. They're Vulcan Peebles, flaming volcanic rock-like creatures. Aparently they're almost always on fire -it's a part of them - like a hairdo. In fact, Max said it's customary to greet them by complimenting their flames, so we spent a good half hour doing that while the rest of the fire patrol extinguished the dock and fireproofed the guest quarters where the VPs will be staying.



Oh...and it turns out the voices I heard before - when I thought the passengers were shouting "Save us! Save us!" Max says they were really shouting "savooz, savooz". Turns out "savooz" are something like marshmallows - they were were just yelling for their waiter to bring some.



Well, now it's a new day at Wonderlens. The suns are shining. Birdfish are singing. Most of the flaming wreckage has been hauled away.



I've been thinking of brushing up on my offworld languages. You never know when you'll need to know the difference between the english word for "help" and the vulcan word for "marshmallow."



Max introduced me to W.A.T.R. - the Wonderlens Alien Translating Robot. He's supposed to be the language whiz around here -plus yow! What a cute 'bot! Anyway, I'm going to head over to see him after my next tour group. Why don't we meet up?









I won't be long - at least I hope not. I just have to give a tour to a small group of Fungila Monsters. How tough could that be?



I'll join you as soon as I can.

Here's the entrance to a shortcut that leads straight to W.A.T.R.



Just turn right when you get to Robot Row.

Cya!

Poly

Psychic Tourists - What Next?
Yesterday's tour went ok - a little odd. Nice people...er...ok, not technically people, but a nice bunch. Here's a group photo of us.




They're a species called Palm Gazers. They're all psychic - most are telepaths. I never know what to say to these guys. I mean, if they're already reading your mind, is it rude to speak to them?

Or maybe it's rude NOT to speak. It's so confusing.

But, as I said, they're realy pretty nice. We have a few Palm Gazers on staff here at Wonderlens already. Most of them work in the gift shops - psychics usually do pretty well in retail.

There was one slightly unfortunate incident. Our group dropped by the Castellar Cafe for lunch. Chef Fugu came running out of the kitchen and tried to grab a coconut off one of the Palm Gazers. Note to self: those aren't coconuts...they're eyeballs! Whoo, were we all embarrassed!

Chef apologized right away. His shipment of coconuts arrived on the next cargo ship. Don't worry - we checked - they really were coconuts. They failed the eye test.

So we have fresh coconut cream pie at the Cafe today! Sadly, the Palm Gazers won't be joining us for lunch. Turns out they don't eat! They explained how they convert brainwaves into energy instead. I'm not sure I really understood the whole thing and now I'm wondering if they weren't just kidding. Telepaths - I never get their jokes!

Well, it's almost time for my next tour group to arrive, so I'd better sign off. I just got the strangest message from their ship's captain - something about half the ship being on fire? Maybe I misunderstood him. There was a lot of static on the line. Still, I'd better check it out.

What IS that weird smoky smell in the hallway?

Oh - almost forgot - in case you want to buy something, here's a free Wonderlens Doubloon. It'll buy anything at the Prizes & Surprises Shop



Take me to the Prizes & Surprises Shop


Have fun!
Poly

Day 1

..."Hostess-with-the-Most-Hits"??!

What the...heck?
Okaaay, just so we're clear, that nickname was NOT my idea. I may be a robot, but even I have a tiny shred of dignity.

(And no matter what you've heard, I NEVER dated Robbie the Robot. I don't care how big & shiny he is - he's got a brain the size of a Pez dispenser. Just between us kids, his brain actually IS a modified Pez dispenser! Poor guy.)

Anyway, The Boss set this whole blog thing up. He thought it would be "fun." You know, a fluffy daily report of the whacky good times we're having here at the new Wonderlens amusement planet...

Well, what The Boss doesn't know is that I plan to have PLENTY of fun with this!

Want to know what REALLY goes on behind the scenes here? Sweetie-pie, have I got some stories to tell you! We may have built the hottest theme park in the galaxy, but nothing is going the way we planned. I mean, how could it? The whole place is built with alien technology. Heck - half the buildings ARE aliens! I just saw a restroom walk off to take a coffee break. Try to explain THAT to the tourists!

Oops - I gotta go. Another big tourist transport just landed. That means it's showtime for me! Oh well, giving tours is really fairly fun. I just hope no one needs to use the restroom.

I'll be gone for a few hours, but If you want to have a look around the park, go ahead. Try to stay out of sight - we're still not open to the general public. If anybody asks, just tell them you're a VIP guest from...hmmm...let's try to pick someplace obscure. How about "Earth" - perfect! Tell them you're from Earth. Is that even a real place? Doesn't matter - it'll keep 'em confused.

Good luck! Just use my secret employee entrance at:

Wonderlens Secret Back Door